What's this place called?

I am numb. I went to therapy twice yesterday. Once, by myself, the other time with my husband. I don't know what to think, or do, or say. Writing this my be pointless, as everything I write is just the same things I keep replaying in my head day after day. Last night, my husband kissed me and I became more aroused than I can remember. I am ashamed of that. Yes, I am ashamed that my husband kissed me and I wanted him. I am incapable of being pleased right now. He has been too pleasing lately, too contrite: jumping up to get whatever I ask for, holding doors open, trying to anticipate my desires. I honestly can't remember if he was like this before I found out he had been cheating on me. I think he was, but now it seems false and just makes me uncomfortable. I told him to just be normal, how he always was, but when he talks and tries to joke around with me, I think how can he act like nothing has happened? I want him to touch me, but I can't stand to look at him. I can't stand sleeping in the same bed with him, yet can't bear the thought of him not being here. I am just so full of anger right now. Everything I feel is because of him and I shouldn't be feeling these things. Right now, my life sucks. Later today, or tomorrow, maybe things will be different. For right now though, I have lost my sense of normalcy.