Willpower? No Thanks.

I think that one of the reasons I haven't been able to lose weight is because I have an abnormal view of my body. I know I weigh 245 pounds. I know I am grossly obese. When I look in the mirror though, I see how my body should look, not how it actually looks. My husband took a picture of me recently. I saw it for the first time tonight. I didn't know he was taking the picture and you can tell. It's the most unflattering angle, my head tilted forward, a mound of flesh where my neck should be. Two years ago, along with a lot of others, I started the low carb diet. When I started the diet, I weighed 275 pounds. I lost seventy. I never did see below that 200 pound mark, but I went from a size 26/28 to an 18. Needless to say, I slowly started slipping back into my old comforts, having a cheeseburger here and there, then back to eating fast food for lunch everyday. I know food is my drug. What makes it so hard for me to lose weight is that unlike other addictions, I have to eat. I know that when I run through a drive-thru, I'm not trying to stave off hunger... I eat without tasting. I take huge bites and swallow without chewing. I eat hunched over like someone is going to take my food away. I don't like to eat in public (I do, but I don't like it) because I am afraid I am going to eat the way I do when I'm alone. One of the things I'm doing right now, and had done for two weeks before the road trip, is making a menu for the week and shopping only for the food on my list. Most of everything has to be cooked to be eaten, so I don't have a lot of junk to mindlessly snack on. I haven't had any fast food since we returned from our trip. Ugh, it's going to take a lot of work. No willpower. I don't have that. When I do have willpower, it usually dissipates in a couple weeks anyway. Nope, just hard work and time. Huh... Whaddya know? I've got lots of time.