Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Alien LifeForm

I was standing in front of the mirror looking at my body tonight, as I am wont to do every now and again, and I realized something for the first time ever tonight: The fat that is attached to my body is an alien parasite, sucking the life out of me. I looked, and I do mean looked at every inch of my pallid, bloated, doughy body tonight and repeated the word obese over and over, trying to rid my mind of the word fat in reference to my body. Because fat puppies are cute. Fat piglets? Ditto. Fate babies? Even more so. Fat does not even accurately begin to describe the condition I am in and tonight, for the first time, I am scared at the possibilities of what being in this shape could do to me.
I see those extremely obese on tv, or in magazines. I am talking 600 pounds of one single person. Even I, weighing in at 245 pounds, am horrified when seeing these people. I cannot even imagine what its like to be that heavy. How trapped all that weight must make you feel as your bones are practically swimming in fat. And I ask myself, how could someone let themselves get to weigh 600 pounds? But really, how do I let myself weigh as much as I do? There isn't really much of a difference between them and me.
I was eighteen and 200 pounds and a size 20. I looked in the mirror and said Ok, but my face is cute, and my figure was shapely, I loved my hair, and I hated myself.
I was twenty and I weighed 225 pounds. I looked in the mirror and said, Oh, but I was married now, and my husband loved me, I wasn't trying to impress anyone and I was depressed.
I am now twenty-six and 245 pounds and a size 24. I am unhappy. I have been for a long time. And my excuse for being unhappy is the excuse I am sure a lot of you use; my unhappiness is blamed on how fat I am. Excuse me, Obese. The obesity is a factor yes, but only one of many. Regardless, I want to start being writing down how I feel, and be accountable. I want to start a journey, and was wondering if anyone would like to join me? I would like there to be a place for us to hold each other accountable, lean on one another, and with understanding from others try to become
better people. I started. Who's next?


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